Alison Hendrix "Nature Under Constraint and Vexed"
"What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one." -Sandra Cisneros, "Eleven"
Oh no this is super adorable
I finally stopped to take a closer look at this and oh my GOD this is amazing.
Why do my Islands hurt?
…You’ve never used them before.
Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
3.Get them outside.
The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here. For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
(via The Darling Bakers)
More people need to know this.This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.
Also, remember to Take care of yourself.
Being in a relationship with someone who’s depressed, can be extremely consuming. Make sure that while you support the depressed person you got someone supporting you too! Because it takes someone strong to handle someone else’s depression, it’s not easy, believe me I’ve been there. And you must remember to put your own health first, not by neglecting them, but by listening to your own needs too.
Also please remember that being depressed is not an excuse to act like a total asshole. Being depressed does not stop someone from acting like an asshole.
Don’t sugarcoat the things a depressed person do, be honest with them, have as open conversations as possible. Yes, a depressed person can lash out and not mean it, but it is ok to feel hurt. You’re not wrong about feeling hurt. Try to understand, but don’t let your feelings be invalidated.
I cannot stress enough how important it is that even the “un-depressed” partner takes care of themselves, because I used to be in a relationship like this and I didn’t. I didn’t take care of myself, and I sugarcoated everything my partner did. And my partner abused me through emotional manipulation, among other things, kept me scared and stressed constantly, threatened me, treated me like a dog who’d always come running for her and then never being there for me, and much more. And I just looked between my fingers because she was /depressed/ and /vulnerable/.
It took nearly two years + a friend shaking sense in me for me to realize.
I’m absolutely not saying being in a relationship with someone who’d depressed means you will be treated bad/abused. I’m just saying, you must think about yourself too. And again, being depressed is not an excuse to be a bad person. Being depressed is not an excuse to be a bad person. BEING DEPRESSED IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO BE A BAD PERSON.
I wish more posts like this taught you how to take care of yourself while you try helping your depressed partner/friend too.
I don’t normally post depression posts…but when I do they’re basically spot-on (at least for me, your depression may vary).
tl;dr: Master of Waves and Frostburn Weird rock. Work on time management, mulligans, and combat.
Match 1: 2-0 vs Mono-black devotion.dec
It was the opponent’s first FNM, and though he was piloting what looked like tier-1 MBD, it was clear that he was understandably not very good with the deck. Master of Waves beats Desecration Demon.
Match 2: 2-0 vs B/r “aggro” bestow?
His turn 1 Rakdos cackler followed by my t2 Tidebinder Mage (maindeck), pretty much locked in game 1. He played his bestow creatures as creatures, which would be good if he ever had the attacking advantage, but he never really established it because of Frostburn Weird; Frostburn Weird was an all-star the whole night. Game two was very interesting because of Pack Rat, which he tried to get me to “block as a 2/2” and then turn it into a 4/4. On a bad day, I might have missed it and given up a creature, but I caught it. I did make a misplay by turning a Frostburn into a 4/1 when he still had an otherwise useless 1/1 out. I was hoping to force a block from one of his Mutavaults to weaken his pack rats. After several hits from Nightveil Spectre, I was able to get enough defense to stabilize. As per usual, a top-decked Master of Waves, that isn’t Downfall’d, wins games.
Match 3: 1-1-1 vs Esper control.dec
Certainly felt the most intense and fun. Obviously Sphinx’s Rev gives their deck much more control in the late game, but other than that, the games felt a lot closer than most tempo* vs control matchups I’ve played in the past. Part of the reason we went to draw is because neither of us ever felt completely out of the game. While his top-decks on average will be better (more scry, more bombs, sweeps), my deck can drop questions that must be answered (MoW).
Match 4: 0-2 vs Wu aggro
I fell for the “I’m on the draw and this hand gets great if I hit that third land”-trap game 1 and never got that tertiary island. Game 2 was a battle of Detention Spheres. D-Sphere on my key MoW lost me the game, though Brimaz didn’t help.
* I say “tempo” because I’m still not 100% sure on the classification of Azorius Devotion. Perhaps tempo-midrange is better. Thoughts?
Are you a relatively new deck builder? Do you feel like when you step into an FNM that your deck ideas are just, well, not working out like they should? Do you feel like the decks of other players are just way beyond yours?
It’s probably because your deck is lacking focus…